Mad Cow Disease in Penang

NO HOLDS BARRED by Raja Petra Kamarudin

Researchers in University Science Malaysia (USM), Penang, have traced local beef as the source of the recent outbreak of Mad Cow Disease. According to Professor Abdool Rehman Maideen, the university decided to conduct this research when it was discovered that many Indians of the Muslim faith appeared to be acting very strange one hour after a heavy meal that comprised of beef.

“The Indians of the Hindu faith did not seem to catch this disease,” explained Professor Abdool Rehman. “It is only those Indians of the Muslim faith who got it. So we suspected that it must have something to do with their diet since many Hindus are vegetarians and most would not consume beef.”

“But what is most perplexing,” said Professor Abdool Rehman, “Malays also eat the same thing but they do not appear to be prone to this disease. In fact, many Chinese, Thais, and others as well eat local beef but how come they are immune from this disease?”

“I think we are seeing a new strain or mutated form of Mad Cow Disease. This is not the same strain that hit this country a couple of years ago. This strain hits only Indians, in this case Indians who eat beef like those Indians of the Muslim faith.”

“It may no longer be accurate to call this disease Mad Cow Disease although it does come from cows and those inflicted with the disease do act like mad cows. Our university has renamed this disease Mamak Disease in light of the fact that Mamaks seem to be the only people who suffer from this problem.”

“We did some tests on Malays and Chinese, and although they eat the same beef as the Indians of the Muslim faith, they do not appear to be prone to the disease -- and neither are Indians who are Christians. We would love to also do some tests on Indians of the Hindu faith but the problem is we can’t get them to agree to consume beef even though it is for research purposes.”

“The way those affected with this disease act is quite frightening,” said Professor Abdool Rehman. “People have been known to jump up from their chairs, try to climb walls, and they would pull down and destroy paintings and photographs. The look on their faces when they go berserk is something you have to personally see to appreciate. It is indeed a most ugly sight that words can never describe. The fact that most of these people are already ugly to start off with makes it even worse. I for one would dread to catch such a disease and that is why from now on I have become a vegetarian and shun all forms of meat.”





Pictures courtesy of Kwong Wah Yit Poh